The days were sunny. The night darkness never came. The views were plentiful and overwhelming. The emotions were vast. The friendships were formed. The feet were sore. The legs were strong. The anxieties were minimal. The appreciation was exquisite. The sense of time was non existent. The memories etched into my soul. The journey was one of a kind.
As a long distance athlete, it is common to hear about what we call post-race depression. The mere fact that one spends months upon months of physical training, mental preparation, gear tuning and dealing with the anticipation of what is to come just for it all to be over in a matter of hours can be quite debilitating. The same goes as a musician. Months of practice, fine tuning of the presentation and delivery, only to have that one concert. Two hours later you walk away, the task complete, on to the next thing. As a hiker, the same concept applies.
I have been home for one week now, since my extraordinary adventure in Scotland, hiking the West Highland Way. I can say that I am not feeling the effects of my post-hike depression as much as I thought I would, however, I am still missing the beauty of the landscape that Scotland had to offer. I will be writing a detailed in-depth recollection of that journey but for today, I want to simply ask the question, now what?
In the moment of the events, whether it be a triathlon, a marathon, or a thru-hike, the physical pain of that moment can take away from the enjoyment of what you are doing. But, when it is all said and done, the emotion of it being over can be so overwhelming. It is borderline experiencing the full on stages of grief. Scotland, for me, was the most amazing adventure. I have many moments of my life that I look back on and remember how extraordinary they were. I bask in the memories of the specific moments that stand out to me in my mind, and even now, often get emotional that those moments of my life are over.
I catch myself saying, “I didn’t want to come home” or “I could stay there forever”. And, as much I believe I likely could stay there and enjoy it, I know that if I was there forever, the feeling of that space and environment would wear off. The nostalgia would be replaced with every day mentality, routine and events. It would no longer be inside of me with longing. It would just be. Life would be totally different than it is now. What about my family? Would they go with me or would I be on my own? What about my job and career that I have spent so many years building for myself? What about my life here?
This week has been a unique one, in that I landed back in Ontario Sunday morning, returned to work on Monday, and within an hour of my being picked up from the airport, it was like I had never even left. Being with my family felt like usual, returning to work Monday morning felt like usual, and by Friday, only five days later, it felt like Scotland was a lifetime ago. Which begs the question about time and what it actually means. Time is often stated to be an illusion, of which I fully agree. A man-made entity in order to categorize or box-in where we are supposed to be, when we are supposed to be there and how we are supposed to partake in that “time” spent.
Trail life has zero sense of time. Time does not matter. I can now call myself a thru-hiker, and fully appreciate trail life and how it has its own concept of time. Time is related to the sun rising and falling in the sky. Leaving camp happened when I was ready to leave. The distance in which I walked, was based on what I wanted to walk. I walked when I wanted to , stopped when I wanted to, and set up camp, when I wanted to. I went to bed when I wanted to. The watch on my wrist and the time listed on it had zero merit on the decisions that were made throughout the day. The freedom that came with not having to be tied to time was like walking an 8 day meditation. My spirit was free to just be. My soul was exploding with possibilities and danced through my physical self like the wind washes over the landscape. Like water flows down the river taking whichever path it ends up on.
My thru-hike of the West Highland Way and Scotland journey may be over. But I am mindfully reflecting on that journey and am enjoying the post experience, instead of pining for was is now over. I look forward to writing about that journey in detail, creating the videos that will come alongside that, as well. And best of all, I look forward to the next adventures to come my way. Which trail, journey or adventure to do next…..?
DanCyn' Adventures 